Kiley White ♡
A Mother's Perspective

Real Life.
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Real Motherhood.

Thoughts, stories, and the little moments in between, from one mama to another.

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♡ Kiley White
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Hey, I'm Kiley. If you're new around here, welcome. This is a place for honest motherhood, family life, relationships, finding yourself again, and all the little moments in between.

A little about me ♡

Hi, I'm Kiley. I'm 22 years old, and I became a mother at 19. Today, I'm raising two little girls who have different dads, and motherhood has taught me more about myself than I ever expected.

After I had my oldest, I went through a difficult season. I had to step back, rediscover who I was, and figure out what I wanted my life and my motherhood to look like.

I'm also part of a blended family. My partner has two amazing little ones from a past relationship, so our family looks a little different, but the love is just as real.

This blog is where I share the honest parts of motherhood, family life, relationships, finding yourself again, and all the little moments in between.

“It's the little moments that make the biggest memories.”Kiley White
Andrew, Kiley's partner
Get to know my partner ♡

This is my partner, Andrew Havens. 🩵

We’ve been together since November 6, 2023.

We actually met at work. We both worked at Dairy Queen. At first, I didn’t like him very much because I hated his best friend, who was a manager there, so I figured I didn’t like him either. 😂

It wasn’t until I learned that he had two kids that I became interested in him. At that point, I was figuring out how to be a single mom myself, and I thought maybe he could understand things other guys just couldn’t because we were going through some similar things.

And somewhere along the way, he became so much more than someone I was dating. He became my best friend.

I am so in love with him, and I couldn’t be happier. We’ve been through so much in the years we’ve been together, and I wouldn’t want to go through any of it with anyone else.

Latest on the Blog

Real stories. Everyday moments. A little bit of everything.

A Motherhood I Had to Learn

Alright, mommas. Thank you so much for coming to my blog. 🩵

Today I want to talk about something a little more personal. I want to talk about what it was like growing up without a mother, and how I think that has made motherhood a little more challenging for me in ways I didn’t expect.

I never really had a mother growing up.

My mom struggled with addiction and went to prison when I was very young. After that, she spent a long time coming in and out of my life.

Thankfully, I had my grandma.

She was the one who raised me. She gave me the love, stability, and care I needed growing up, and so much of what I know about being a mother comes from watching how she loved me.

But growing up without my own mother still left me with something I didn’t realize I was missing until I became a mom myself.

I never really had an example of what motherhood looked like.

I learned how not to be a mother before I ever knew how to be one.

And then I had my own children.

One thing I never expected was how affectionate my kids would be. They are cuddly. They want hugs. They want to sit close. They want to be held.

And I absolutely love it.

But sometimes, I think about how unfamiliar that kind of love felt to me when I was little.

Motherhood has made me incredibly aware of my children’s feelings. I never want them to feel the way I felt growing up. I never want them to question whether they are loved, wanted, important, or safe.

I see so much of myself in my kids.

I want them to know how loved and special they are.

I think that is also part of why I put so much pressure on myself to make everything feel perfect, especially birthdays, Christmas, holidays, and all those little moments that make childhood feel magical.

Sometimes I worry too much about getting everything right.

But I think I know why.

I want my kids to have a childhood that actually feels like a childhood.

I want them to laugh loudly, make messes, be silly, have big feelings, ask a million questions, and figure out who they are without feeling like they have to grow up too soon.

I don't want them to feel like they have to act a certain way to deserve love.

I want them to know they are loved on their best days and their worst days.

I want them to have the kind of childhood where, when they look back someday, they remember feeling safe.

Remember feeling loved.

Remember being a kid.

I didn't get to have that kind of childhood with my mother.

But I get to give it to my children.

And maybe that's one of the most unexpected parts of motherhood for me.

I thought becoming a mom would force me to confront everything I didn't have growing up.

Instead, it has also given me the chance to create something different.

Something softer.

Something I hope my kids carry with them for the rest of their lives.

And maybe I didn't have a mother to teach me how to be one.

But every day, I'm learning.

And every day, I choose to be the kind of mom my younger self needed. 🩵

Read more

Finding Myself Again

Before I got pregnant, I had no real desire to become a mother anytime soon.

I was in high school, and while I always knew I wanted kids someday, motherhood was something I imagined happening well into my 20s. I had other plans for myself. I wanted to go away to college. I wanted to become a nurse. I wanted to grow up, experience life, and reach all of those big milestones before becoming someone’s mom.

I didn’t realize I would be growing up alongside a baby.

I didn’t realize I would be celebrating my own milestones while watching my daughter reach hers at the same time.

And honestly, sometimes I wonder if becoming a mother so young was exactly what I needed.

Sometimes I think I was trying to move too fast. I wanted to leave. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to get away from everything I knew.

Other times, I really believe God knew the path I was heading down wasn’t the best one for me.

I truly believe my daughter saved me.

Having her meant I had to grow up very quickly. I had to learn how to be responsible, how to make decisions for myself, and how to do things I had never done before.

Before I got pregnant, I was so dependent on other people. I didn’t know how to do much on my own. I wasn’t even comfortable making my own doctor’s appointments.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

And I was terrified.

I was so scared to tell my family that, for a while, I was figuring things out mostly on my own, with the help of one of my closest friends and her mom. They supported me through a time when I was honestly just a scared kid trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. I’m still close with them to this day, and I will always be grateful for the way they showed up for me.

I was a scared child.

I was scared of the world. Scared of making the wrong decisions. Scared of doing things on my own.

But then I had my daughter.

And somewhere along the way, something changed in me.

I started realizing that if I had to, I could figure things out. I could make the phone call. I could make the appointment. I could handle the hard things. I could advocate for my child. I could keep going even when I was scared.

I developed a confidence in myself that I didn’t have before.

And honestly, I love that part of me.

I’m definitely not the same person I was before I became a mother. Anyone who knew me back then probably wouldn’t recognize me now.

But for a while, I didn’t recognize myself either.

After I had my daughter, there was a period where I felt like I was just a shell of a person living on autopilot. I knew how to be Mom. I knew how to take care of my baby. But I didn’t really know who I was outside of that.

So I had to find myself again.

I had to figure out what I liked. What I didn’t like. What made me happy. What made me feel like me.

And one of the hardest parts was realizing that I could love being a mom with my whole heart while still being a person outside of motherhood.

Motherhood is a huge part of my identity. I love being a mom, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

But I’m also still a 22-year-old girl.

I still like sitting down and doing my makeup.

I still like going shopping every once in a while.

And honestly, one of my favorite things to do is walk around Walmart when I don’t have my kids. 😂

I don’t go out much. I don’t party anymore—not that I ever really did. I can probably count the number of parties I’ve been to on one hand.

But I think I’ve grown into a much better version of myself than the person I was before.

I’m still learning.

I’m still growing.

I’m still figuring out who I am.

And maybe that’s the part of finding yourself that I didn’t understand before.

You don’t necessarily find yourself one day and suddenly have everything figured out.

Sometimes you find yourself little by little.

In the confidence you didn’t have before.

In the things you learn to do on your own.

In realizing what you deserve.

In laughing at yourself while walking around Walmart alone.

In putting on makeup just because you want to.

In remembering that you’re more than one role, even when that role means everything to you.

I’m still a mom.

I’ll always be a mom.

But I’m also Kiley.

And every day, I’m learning a little more about who she is.

Maybe I haven’t completely found myself yet.

But I think I’m getting pretty close. 🩵

Learning From My Messy Seasons

My motherhood journey hasn’t been the easiest. And becoming part of a blended family has come with some very messy parts too.

I know that I’ve done a lot of things wrong. I know there are things I wish I could go back and do differently. But I’m growing, I’m learning every day, and I want to be open about that.

When I first became part of a blended family, I didn’t even really understand what that meant. I was figuring everything out as I went, and looking back, I feel like I made some things ten times harder than they ever had to be.

I was struggling with my mental health during that time, and I know that affected the way I handled certain situations. I stirred up a lot of issues that didn’t necessarily need to be started, and there are things I wish I had handled differently.

I’m not sharing this because I want sympathy or because I’m trying to make excuses for the things I did.

I’m sharing it because I think there is something important about being able to say, “I was wrong, and I’m trying to do better.”

Every day, I’m working toward making things better for our blended family. I’m learning how to communicate better, how to handle situations differently, and how to be more thoughtful about the role I have in our family.

And honestly, part of that growth is accepting that I can’t change what happened in the beginning.

I can only change what I do from here.

I want to make up for the things I got wrong, not by pretending they never happened, but by showing through my actions that I’ve learned from them.

I’m still learning.

I’m still growing.

And I’m still figuring out what it means to be the best version of myself for my kids, my partner, and our family.

This is the messy side of motherhood and family life that you don’t always see.

But I think it deserves to be talked about too. 🩵

Letters to My Kids

Words I want my kids to have someday.

Memories, lessons, hopes, and little pieces of childhood saved here so the moments never feel too far away.

Willow 🩵
My first baby. The little girl who taught me how to be a mother.
Read letter →

Dear Willow,

You are four years old as I write this, and I want you to know how grateful I am for you.

I am grateful I get to know you. I am grateful I get to raise you. I am grateful I get to watch you grow and become your own little person every single day.

You are my first baby.

You taught me everything I know about being a mother. I was learning right alongside you, and you have seen both the hardest parts of my motherhood and the best parts.

Being your mom is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I can't imagine my life without you.

You came into my life during a time when I needed you more than you will ever understand. You gave me a reason to keep going when I was in one of the darkest places I've ever been. I will always be grateful for you.

I wouldn't trade you for anything in this world.

You are so smart. You are so kind. You have such a big heart, and I hope you always keep it.

I want you to get everything you want out of this life. I want you to chase your dreams, find out who you are, and never feel like you have to change yourself to make other people happy.

You are the best little girl I could have ever been blessed with as my first child.

Watching you become a big sister has also been one of my favorite things. You are so sweet with your sister. Of course, you can be a little mean sometimes too, because you're four, and four-year-olds have their moments. 😂 But underneath all of that, I see how much love you have in your heart.

I hope you never lose that.

I hope you always know how deeply you are loved.

I hope when you read this someday, you know how proud I was to be your mom from the very beginning.

You were my first baby, Willow.

And you always will be. 🩵

Love,
Mom

Hazel 🩵
The little girl who became such an important part of my heart.
Read letter →

Dear Hazel,

You were so little when I met you.

I actually met you before I ever met your brother, before your dad and I ever started dating. Your dad brought you into work one day, and there you were.

You hadn't even really started walking yet.

It's crazy to think about that little girl I met back then and compare her to the four-year-old you are now. You have grown so much, and somehow, along the way, we became so close.

I hope we always stay that way.

You and Willow became best friends almost immediately, and from the second I laid eyes on you, I fell in love with you too.

I didn't grow you in my belly, but I don't think love has to come from sharing DNA.

I wouldn't change my role in your life for anything.

You have an amazing mom, and I feel lucky to call her my friend. I will always respect the place she has in your life. I'm simply grateful I get to have a place in it too.

I love being here to help teach you what I know, cheer you on, make memories with you, and watch you grow into the person you're becoming.

You definitely have the most attitude out of all the kids. 😂

But underneath that attitude is such a sweet, loving little girl.

You're shy at first. You're kind. You're affectionate. And once you feel comfortable, your personality comes shining through.

I'm so lucky I get to know you.

I'm so lucky I get to watch you grow.

And I'm so lucky I get to love you.

You may not have started out as my daughter, but you became such an important part of my heart and our family.

I hope you always know how much you mean to me, Hazel.

And I hope when you're older and you read this, you know how grateful I am that life brought you into mine. 🩵

Love,
Kiley

James 🩵
The little boy who made me work for his love, one moment at a time.
Read letter →

Dear James,

You are the kindest boy.

You were only a baby when I met you. I still remember rocking you to sleep, and sometimes I can't believe how much you've grown since then.

With you, things weren't immediate. You really made me work for your love, and honestly, I'm grateful for that.

Every day, I had to show you that I loved you.

Little by little, we became closer. I got to know you, you got to know me, and somewhere along the way, we built something that means so much to me.

You are probably the closest thing I will ever have to a son of my own, and I wouldn't change that.

Honestly, I don't see you any differently than I see any of the other kids.

You are my family.

I've always wanted a little boy. Ever since I knew I wanted to be a mom, I dreamed about having a son. I think you were God's little gift to me in a way I never expected.

You show your love in the sweetest little ways.

Asking me to tickle your back.

Asking me to help you fix something.

Coming to me when you need something.

Those little moments might seem small, but they mean so much to me.

I love that this is how you show me you trust me.

I hope we continue to grow together.

I hope you always know you have someone in your corner.

And I hope when you read this someday, you know how much I have loved watching our relationship grow, one little moment at a time.

You didn't have to call me Mom for me to love you like my own.

You became my boy in your own way.

And I'm so grateful you did. 🩵

Love,
Kiley

Billie 🩵
My last baby, teaching me to slow down and soak it all in.
Read letter →

Dear Billie,

As of right now, you are my youngest, my last baby, and you definitely act like it.

You are so spoiled by me, your dad, and all three of your siblings. Everybody just loves you so much.

Watching you grow is so bittersweet. Knowing these might be the last times I get to experience these firsts makes me want to slow everything down and hold onto every little moment.

You remind me of your siblings in so many little ways.

You're growing so fast, just like Willow did. You're just as sassy as Hazel. And you love using me as your own personal chair, just like James.

But even with all those little pieces of your siblings in you, you are still completely your own person.

Your favorite thing right now is “If You're Happy and You Know It.” You light up when we clap our hands together.

You're also obsessed with Ms. Rachel. 😂

You're definitely my little gremlin. You won't let me do your hair, you love getting dirty, and somehow you always manage to keep me on my toes.

But I wouldn't change a thing.

You are teaching me to slow down.

With you, I'm realizing how quickly these years go. I didn't realize how fast everything went with your siblings, and this time I'm trying so hard to soak it all in.

I'm taking more pictures.

I'm paying attention to the little things.

I'm trying to remember the way you laugh, the things you love, the silly things you do, and all the little pieces of you that will change before I even realize they're gone.

As soon as we had you, I couldn't imagine our family any other way.

I'm so happy you came when you did.

I hope by the time you're old enough to read this, I've told you all the stories about how we made the decision to have you. I hope you know how wanted you were and how much love was already waiting for you.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Not one decision.

Not one moment.

Not one part of our story.

You completed our family in a way I didn't know we needed.

You are my last baby, Billie.

And I'm going to soak up every second I get with you. 🩵

Love,
Mom

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